Hey Bear is a YouTube channel with videos of dancing fruits, vegetables, and other nonsense designed to make kids stfu entertain young children. It works. Baby Knight loves it.

Last night my partner asked if I was okay because I looked distant and downtrodden. I wasn't sad or tired, I was pondering the biology of the fruits that dance in these videos.

The pineapple, Baby Knight's favourite, is a classic fruit-with-a-face; eyes and a mouth on the outside rind of the pineapple. Same with the strawberry, blueberry, and a bunch of others. Pretty standard fare for a children's cartoon, they seem to love it. Beyond those it gets a bit weird.

A single orange, in the Hey Bear cinematic universe, is actually two creatures. The face is on the fleshy inside of each half but how did they get like that? Does a bigger fruit, or a human perhaps, have to cut them in half so they can see and talk and do whatever a living orange half does? What happens if said cutter slices off-centre, does one of them die while the other stays alive but has a part of their sibling's face on theirs, forever haunted by the memory.

The banana's face is inside the peel, able to see only when it's pulled back. Is there a ceremony for this with family and friends gathered round as the local face-revealer performs the act? Perhaps cards are sent to the parents, adorned with "congrats on your baby's face" and "Let's face it, today is a good day" on the front. They don't seem to have the ability to hear or make sound so the face is probably pretty important. Maybe the movie Face-Off is unsettling in their world, or that sewed-up-mouth scene from the Matrix.

And finally the millennial favourite, the avocado. The one we see on screen has the stone in tact but we never other half, the sibling. Is the stoneless sibling an outcast in Hey Bear world or are they lauded for surviving without a fairly important part of an avocado? We might never know.